Friday, January 22, 2016

my husband isn't dumb (and chances are, yours isn't either)

I don't nag my husband. And I can't say I ever have in our near four years of marriage (feel free to double check with him).

It's not because he's perfect--goodness, no. And it's not because I'm perfect--goodness, no! We'd both be quick to say that we get tired of each other.

Of the dirty clothes around the house.
Of the crazy multitasking.
Of the doing-things-last-minute.
Of the planning-things-eons-in-advance.

There's definitely plenty room for growth between the two of us.

Although I've noticed it throughout our marriage, it's only been this last year where I've come to completely new level of awe and respect for the guy I married.

The past year, and especially this past season, has put the two of us through a lot. We're on our way to intentional living and along this journey I've come to realize one thing:

My husband is smart.

Not that I thought he was dumb. But you know what I mean: we ladies think we know our stuff and got it all together and need to keep it all together. And our husband...is aloof in his own tiny world.

I've got a newsflash for you: Your husband knows what he's talking about.

Not about everything's talking about. But about what he's talking about about himself.
Your husband knows what he's talking about about himself. [tweet]

Are you tracking with me?

If there's one thing about my husband, it's that he knows himself. He knows the kind of guy he is, what works for him (and what doesn't), and the kind of life he wants to live.

But it can be oh, so hard to believe.

There have been so many times where I've wanted to say
   his idea wasn't going to work
   he should do this, not that
   he was being a slug
   he wasn't doing it right.

But every time I've held my tongue (except once, when I thought I'd threaten him; now that's a funny story).

Because here's the thing: husbands have minds of their own. And they actually work. They're processing information, resolving conflicts, thinking things through...Their brains work.
Husbands have minds of their own...and they actually work.[tweet]

In fact, their brains work just like ours.

So the problem isn't that their brains don't work (or don't exist). The problem is that their brains are their brains. Not ours.

And the other problem is that neither they nor we are any good at communicating the difference that makes.

Simply put, I don't nag my husband because he's not dumb. And chances are, your husband isn't, either.

Men may be men, but I trust our guys know right from wrong. I trust they know how to tie their own laces even if all they do is walk around with them untied. All. the. time.

I trust my husband knows what he needs to get done, is working towards getting it done, and will get it done.

And if he decides to get it done by failing three times first, then may God grant me patience and grace because I said 'til death do we part.

Take a leap of faith today and trust that, even though it seems like it, your husband doesn't live to make your life miserable. Trust that he's trying to become the guy he wants to be (who wants to be someone they don't want to be?), the guy you want him to be.

He's got bigger dreams than killing yours. His life doesn't revolve around driving you mad.

Once upon a time there was so much love between the two of you that you two couldn't stand to be apart--so you became one.
There was so much love between the two of you that you couldn't stand to be apart--so you became ONE.[tweet]
Don't forget that.

Love that man of yours by standing by his side, through every good and terrible idea--and there will be a lot of terrible ones--because chances are, he's like Spiderman: strong, able, and caring. But hesitant. Still finding himself.

So send him into the world with your blessing: Go get 'em, Tiger.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one (including you, my dear) separate" Mark 10:9 NIV.

braving life together,