Friday, January 22, 2016

my husband isn't dumb (and chances are, yours isn't either)

I make a point not to nag my husband. It's not because he's perfect--goodness, no. And it's not because I'm perfect--goodness, no!. We'd both be quick to say that we've got plenty of issues.

Although I've noticed it throughout our marriage, it's only been this last year where I've reached a completely new level of awe and respect for the guy I married.

The past year, and especially this past season, has put the two of us through a lot. We're on our way to intentional living and along this journey I've come to realize one thing:

My husband is smart.

Not that I thought he was dumb. Most times he just seems aloof in his own world. I've got a newsflash for you: I think our husbands know what they're talking about when they're talking about themselves.

Of course, they might not admit it or act worthy of this assumption, but chances are good, he's got a general idea of what he wants in life.
Our husbands know what they're talking about when they're talking about themselves. [tweet]
If there's one thing about my husband, it's that he knows himself. He knows the kind of guy he is, what works for him (and what doesn't), and the kind of life he wants to live.

But it can be oh, so hard to believe.

There have been so many times where I've wanted to say
   his idea wasn't going to work
   he should do this, not that
   he was being a slug
   he wasn't doing it right.

Here's the thing: husbands have minds of their own. And they actually work--more often than we give them credit for. They're processing information, resolving conflicts, thinking things through...Their brains work. In fact, I would even say their brains work as well as ours do (don't let me down here, husbands!).

So the problem isn't that their brains don't work (or don't exist). The problem is that their brains are their brains. Not ours.

And the other problem is that neither they nor we are any good at communicating the difference that makes.

Simply put, I try not to nag my husband because he's not dumb. And chances are, your husband isn't, either. The first challenge is to trust they know how to tie their own laces even if all they do is walk around with them untied. All. the. time.

The second challenge is learning to support him in a way that makes him feel supported. Some know exactly what they need from us to feel supported. Some don't. Trial and error with a lot of TLC is the only way we'll find out how.

I trust my husband knows what he needs to get done, is working towards getting it done, and will get it done. I respect him to do it in his own time. And if he decides to get it done by failing three times first (though preferably not), then may God grant me patience and grace because I said 'til death do we part.

Take a leap of faith today and trust that, even though it seems like it, your husband doesn't live to make your life miserable. Trust that he's trying to become the guy he wants to be (who wants to be someone they don't want to be?), the guy you want him to be.

He's got bigger dreams than killing yours. His life doesn't revolve around driving you mad. Love that man of yours by standing by his side, through every good and terrible idea.

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one (ahem, including you, my dear) separate" Mark 10:9 NIV.

braving life together,