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Thursday, December 3, 2015

one thing I wish I knew before getting married

There are things most of us know about marriage before we get hitched: we'll probably gain some weight; sex isn't gonna be like it is in the movies; and if we want it to last, we're gonna have to work at it.

Three years into our journey, though, and I've finally come to see, at a superficial level, what marriage is really about.

Yes, about glorifying God.
Yes, about cultivating unconditional love.
And yes, about being transformed into Jesus' likeness.

These are the ends towards which we're striving. But the means of how we actually get there, the single way that God uses to get us there...

That's the one thing I wish I knew before getting married.

Around the end of year two, I started to notice a change in my attitude towards Yeng. I didn't like him as much as I used to: I found things he did annoying and habits he had counterproductive.

Thus marked the end of the honeymoon phase.

As my girlfriends and I shared about our marriages and our struggles, my heart broke along with theirs. Loneliness, anger, confusion, bitterness--all of these parasites and more haunted our relationships.

Marriage was definitely--incomparably--much more difficult than any of us had in mind. These situations we faced, these trials that tore at our hearts, they all hurt more than we imagined.

At first I thought it was our husbands. After all, we were all loving wives who wanted the best for our husbands. Those negligent men.

But it's never that simple.

There was one thing I took for granted before I got married. One thing I thought I was good at. And that one thing was gonna cost me my marriage.

Love.

I thought I had a lot of love to give. I thought I was good at loving Yeng. I didn't, and I'm not.

Two people who don't know how to love came together, promised to love each other, and then realized they didn't know how to love one another...but are stuck together forever anyway.

Marriage is first the union of two bad lovers who think they're good lovers.
Marriage is then a commitment to loving the crap out of one another regardless.
And marriage is finally a testament to God's faithfulness.

As we discover how limited our love is, may God's unconditional love be added to our own.
As we learn to love with God's love, may we sharpen one another.
As we experience the fullness of life in Christ, may others see God's handiwork.

To God be all the glory forever.

with much love,